Harry Potter and the Jellybean Conspiracy
by unlucky3
Summary: Our favorite trio has returned! Chapter 5! After almost a year of hiatus, Ladies and Gentlemen, Chapter 5!
1. Kwok, Rousselle, Walcz, pack your stuff…

Author's Note: Guess who's back, back again. We are back, tell a friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's.... Ehhnnn you know how it goes. Ok so we're back again with a new fic that we'll try to update as much as possible. It's us at *drum roll*.........HOGWARTS! Yaaaay! And this fic isn't meant to make fun of Harry Potter either. Cuz we like it! Unlike *cough cough* the Labyrinth *eeeeeeeeeeeewwww* ANYWAYS! The story starts out with us being transferred to the Hogwarts. As some of you may not know, Canada (which is where we are from) has a Quidditch team which means we must have a school. So, since Jen and I are 15 and Allison is 16 (me and Jen are almost there) we can't just start as first years. So! We're sixth years! It's great. Ok so that's long enough. On with the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own anything or anybody but someday maybe we will own all the battery operated pumpkin flashlights in the WORLD!!! Ohohoho yes we will.  
  
Harry Potter and the Jelly Bean Conspiracy  
  
Chapter 1 - Kwok, Rousselle, Walcz, pack your stuff.......you're goin' to Hogwarts.  
  
Sarah was sitting in the kitchen one Saturday morning, eating breakfast with her family, when an owl started tapping on the dining room window. "OH MY GOD IT'S JARETH! He's come back to KILL me!!!!" Sarah yelled. "Oh...wait...its...god damn it it's just Sockmonkey! Stupid bird!" (Sockmonkey is for some reason the name of Sarah's owl) Sarah let Sockmonkey in, and the owl landed on Sarah's head. "Ow! I hate it when you do that! Give me the god damn letter!" Sarah snatched the letter from Sockmonkey's beak, and read out loud:  
  
Dear Sarah Walcz,  
  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been one of three students selected to participate in our foreign exchange program. Unfortunately, you will have to be resorted into one of the four houses at your new school. These houses include, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. All students will be required to bring all the equipment they should already possess, including two new items;  
  
Magical Herbs of Europe, By Lindsay Graywater Magical Scams, By Stan Stan the Wizard man ALSO Only ONE pet per student is permitted at Hogwarts.  
  
Your train to Hogwarts will leave from Kings Cross train station at 11:00 am on Platform 9 3/4 on September 1st. You are expected to be on your best behaviour, as you will be representing our school.  
  
Best of Luck, Headmistress of Abnoba School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  
  
Maena Asinarius  
  
"TRANSFERRED?!?!? Transferred my ASS! What the HELL? When did I decide to go on a foreign excha........Jen......" Sarah was so enraged that it took her a good ten minutes to realize that Sockmonkey had just come back with another letter, it took a cuff on the head and a peck for her to finally figure it out. This time it was from Jen:  
  
Sarah!  
  
I hope this gets to you before Abnoba sends out the letters but...GUESS WHAT I DID!!! Oh it's so exciting! I enrolled us in a foreign exchange program to go to ENGLAND! EEEEE! I can't believe it! I hope they allow us to go! I know you'll be upset that you won't be in Alcles anymore, but look on the bright side you may get into Gryffindor! I've heard that's the best house at Hogwarts. Well, send an owl when you get the letter,  
  
Later, Jen  
  
Sarah boiled as she thought about what Jen had written. Abnoba was the Hogwarts of Canada, and Sarah was in the best house at the school- Alcles, which was the Canadian equivalent to Gryffindor. The other three houses were Phoca (Hufflepuff), Castor (Slytherin), and Acernus (Ravenclaw). "Well, I guess THIS time Jen screwed ME over. Oh well, at least I'm leaving the country...Come to think of it, I haven't left the country since I was four years old. Yay, I'm movin on up, everything's commin' up Milhouse!"  
  
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Meanwhile at Jen's house...  
  
Jen sat staring at her Arithmacy homework, when Tethys, Jen's owl, swooped in through Jen's open window. "Oh hello Teth, what do have for me today? OOO! It's the new Reader's Digest! I guess my subscription was a little late.Oh, and what's this?" Jen read the letter at light speed, because she's so god damn used to it, smiling to herself the whole time. "YAY! We got accepted! Quick service! I hope Sarah and Allison have gotten my letters by now...Oops." Jen looked down at her desk where she found two letters addressed to Allison and Sarah respectively. "Aw, shit! I KNEW I forgot something. Tethys! Send these quick! Oh Sarah's gonna killllllll me!" Jen was worried for approximately 30 seconds before she realized that Sarah was weak and Jen could kick her ass. Also, the excitement of going to Hogwarts overwhelmed her. She got right to packing. Unfortunately, she couldn't use magic to do the packing for her because of the stupid school rule about not using magic over the summer. She'd broken that a couple of times, and almost gotten herself expelled, but she was too smart for Abnoba to loose. She liked the thought of that. She continued packing the Muggle way late into the night.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Allison was in her backyard, hanging in the air by her broomstick, doing chin-ups, when Allison's phoenix, Bird, swooped down for a tree and landed on her shoulder. "Get OFF! I can't handle this extra weight, you fat phoenix! GET OFF!" Bird, who was offended by Allison's rude remark, dug his claws into Allison's shoulder, carrying her into the air. "Ok, Ok, you're not fat! Now LET ME GO!" Bird, who took things rather literally, let go of Allison. Unfortunately, Bird let go of her right over Allison's dog's wading pool, causing her to fall into the dirty water. Allison lifted her face from the water and said, "Ewwww, dog water." She glared at her pet flatly. Bird flew down with a towel, no doubt loving his little joke on her. Allison snatched it away and started to dry herself off when she noticed that Bird was holding something. Realizing it was a letter she plucked it from his beak and began to read. Needless to say she shrieked like a banshee with throat cancer. "ERRRRGGGGHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOTTEN ME INTO THIS TIME!?!?!? I'm going to kill them, I'm going to kill them, I'm GOING to KILL THEM!!!!!!!!" Seconds later Jen's owl, Tethys, came flying down with a letter tied to her leg. "Light! Now what?" Untying Jen's letter from Tethys' leg, she began reading. She got angrier and angrier at each word. By the end of it she was in a mad fit and wanted to kill Jen even more...even though she knew she couldn't. "I'll just have to settle for Sarah." Allison thought after she burnt the letter. Knowing that there was no way to get out of this one, Allison went upstairs to go let off some steam on a punching bag.  
  
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Author's Note: OK we know this was a really crappy chapter, but it was really only the introduction. We know what we have planned out for future chapters, and it's gonna be great! OH! If you don't know who Jareth is (who was mentioned at the beginning of the chapter) go read our first fic in the movie section under Labyrinth. It's entitled Misfortunes of Friends, it's a humor/adventure fic. IT'S GOOD! IT'S FUNNY! REEEAAAAD! Oh AND our chapter titles are really stupid, so you can expect the same for this story. This is Jen, Sarah and Allison, signing off. We'll be back with more ASAP. Oh and about our pet names, it just seemed funny at the time......... 


	2. Let's form a Fisher Price Xylophone Keyc

Disclaimer: We don't own anything.....except SOMEDAY we WILL own ALL FISHER PRICE KEYCHAINS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author's Notes: God damn fanfiction is down!!! But that's ok, because we have our coke-a-cola! Allison was talking to her friend on the phone....the same friend that reviewed our other story, "Misfortunes Of Friends", but we didn't know it was her so Sarah and I kept yelling, "DIE REPLACEMENT FRIENDS!!!" *does Dr. Evil pinky thing*  
  
CHAPTER 2- Let's form a Fisher Price Xylophone Keychain Band!!!!!!!  
  
Jen and Allison were waiting at the airport in London for Sarah's plane to arrive. After waiting a good hour for their friend, her plane finally arrived. As the passengers started emptying out of the terminal, Jen quickly dove behind a row of chairs, hoping to escape Sarah's notice.....it didn't work. Sarah emerged from the terminal, looking around desperately for something....or should we say, someone.  
  
"Jen! Jen!" Sarah ran quickly over to where Jen was hiding. Jen shielded her face. "London Jen? London freaking England?!?! HOGWARTS?!?! STUDENT FREAKING EXCHANGE?!?!? What the HELL is wrong with you? You made me leave my country!!!" Jen stood up and said, "I know Sarah, but this'll be fun!", as she absent-mindedly brushed some left-over Floo Powder off of her clothes.  
  
"What's that? What are you brushing off?"  
  
"Nothing Sarah!" Jen lied.  
  
"Oh it's not nothing, it's Floo Powder", said Allison. Sarah raised an accusing finger.  
  
"You! You had FLOO POWDER and you didn't TELL me?! I HAD TO TAKE A PLANE! A PLAAAAAAAANE! I hate PLANES! I had to get hammered before I GOT on the plane! And I've been on there for like TWELVE FREAKING HOURS! And what?!?! YOU GOT HERE IN TWELVE FREAKING SECONDS!!!"  
  
Jen tried to explain. "Well, it wasn't as easy as you think." Allison cut in, "Yeah! We got landed in some old lady's house! All she had was a rocking chair, a shotgun and her 15 cats! You know Sarah, she kinda reminded me of you......just a little older."  
  
"Plus, we had to walk 10 blocks to get here....."  
  
"ALRIGHT! You know what? No more excuses! Let's just get to that damn castle, so I can get a decent magical education!" Sarah paused, remembering their past experience. "Oh great! Another castle we have to get to...GOD DAMN IT!" [Read Misfortunes Of Friends for reference]  
  
Suddenly a big ugly giant type man stormed into the conversation. "Excuse meh. 'Re yeh lot Jennifer Rousselle, Allison Kwok and Sarah Walcz?"  
  
Sarah looked panicked. She spread her arms out, shielding her friends, "Depends," she said. "Do they owe you money?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do they owe you drugs?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Do they owe you illegal firearms?" Sarah said glaring at Allison.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Are you heir to the Goblin throne?!?"  
  
"Well.....No I don't think so.....What's with the questions? I jus' wan'ta know if yer them!"  
  
"One more my friend!"  
  
"....Ok"  
  
"Are you any of their estranged fathers?"  
  
"Well ther' was that one time....."  
  
"Jen! It's Jen isn't it!"  
  
"SARAH! I HAVE a father!!!"  
  
"Jen! How many times do we have to go over this? Things aren't always what they seeeeeeeem!" "Sarah, shut up!" Allison said, clearly annoyed.  
  
Sarah glared at her, then turned her attention to the strange giant-man. "Well! Since none of my questions have anything to do with you, then I think that it's safe to say that YES we ARE who you speak of. And I am Sparticus! No wait....I'm not."  
  
"Good, good. My name's Hagrid. The Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts." There was a long pause.  
  
"Kay."  
  
"I was sent by the finest Headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen, Albus DUMBLEDORE, to take you lot teh Diagon Alley. Gringott's bank teh be exact."  
  
Allison looked up at Hagrid, "Gringott's." She then turned her head to look at Jen. ".Yeeeeesssss."  
  
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The girls and Hagrid walked up to the front steps of Gringott's. While Allison and Jennifer were excited about going in, Sarah resisted.  
  
"No! No more Goblins, PLEASE!"  
  
"Sarah! You have to go in!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NOOOO!" Seeing the Sarah couldn't be budged that way, Allison pushed her from behind into the bank.  
  
"NO! Euggghhhh,... eaahhhghhhh......eahhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
  
The girls walked up to the front desk with Hagrid. All through the walk, the sight of little Goblins running around made Sarah jump. Peering up over the desk, the girls saw the ugliest Goblin they had ever seen. Hagrid introduced them to the Goblin and stated what they intended to do, much to the surprise of the three girls.  
  
"An' these three girls would like to take out some of Mr. Harry Potter's money."  
  
"And do you have Mr. Harry Potter's keeeey?"  
  
"Errr...I've got it here somewhere," Hagrid explained as he started searching through his pockets. "Ah! Here we ar'!" Hagrid placed the key on the table and the stupid ugly goblin called for a littler goblin to take the girls and Hagrid to the vault. The soon reached their destination.  
  
"Key PLEASEE." Said the little goblin as he climbed out of the cart.  
  
"Here y'ar."  
  
"Lamp PLEASE." Asked the goblin again.  
  
"IS THAT ALL YOU LITTLE BASTARDS CAN SAY?!?! OPEN THE FRIGGING VAULT!" Sarah yelled.  
  
"She's a twisted li'le bugger isn't she?" Asked Hagrid as he eyed Sarah askance.  
  
"Most Definitely!" Replied Jen happily. "But what I'd like to know is HOW you got Harry Potter's KEY?!?"  
  
"It's Official Hogwart's business."  
  
"AND IS THAT ALL YOOOUUU CAN SAY?!?" Yelled Sarah as she rounded on Hagrid. Allison tackled Sarah to the ground, covering Sarah's mouth with her hand.  
  
The vault was finally opened by the little goblin man, and Sarah, Allison and Jen stared in wonder at the mass amounts of gold in Mr. Harry Potter's vault.  
  
"HOLY SHIT! HOW THE HELL....IS THIS *OURS*?"  
  
"Yea, Harry was asked teh donate 'alf o' his riches teh the foreign exchange program. Yeh get 'alf o' this you three!"  
  
"Whoa, dude." Sarah replied.  
  
"You mean we're going to get to meet." Jen started as Sarah interrupted.  
  
"Harry FRIKIN' Potter?"  
  
Hagrid replied, "No, no, no. Harry, Ron and Hermione were shipped off teh Canada teh take yer place." The three friends exchanged meaningful glances during the awkward pause that followed.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! You mean that stupid four-eyed freak is GONE?!? AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The trio laughed uncontrollably for many minutes to follow. Sarah finally made an outburst.  
  
"Well, with this much money, it's time to go......." She made a pose with her arms in the air and a weird grin on her face, "SHOPPING!!!!"  
  
The girls ran into Diagon Alley with Hagrid trudging slowly behind. They hit all the hottest robe stores, which was approximately one, and bought little trinkets and all the things that they needed for their spell work at Hogwarts. They even bought things they didn't need! Gilded cages for their owls, and cute, chic little pointed hats. Oh and let's not forget the new brooms! The New and IMPROVED Firebolt XE 2002, for all their Quidditching needs. [Sarah-to impress Oliver Wood]  
  
And finally, the arrived at Kings.....Cross............Station.  
  
[Author's Note: Ok that was pretty long. Heh, Fisher Price Keychains are coooool!!!!! 


	3. It Kind Of Reminds Us Of The Nsync Vide

Disclaimer: We don't own anything, BUT!!!! [Jen-But what?!? Sarah-I don't know what to say] GOD DAMN IT! Oh, and we don't own *Nsync.....hooray......  
  
Author's Note: Yes, we're finally getting a chance to update! What with this Jareth crap going on, we're now secretly hiding out in Hong Kong with Allison's relatives. But don't worry, our security's at the maximum, due to the fact that all of Allison's family is in the Chinese Mafia. [Sarah-Watch out for her brother Jen-Don't Sarah, we'll get wacked!] Ok! Chapter 3!!  
  
Chapter 3 -It Kind Of Reminds Us Of The *Nsync Video.....  
  
Last time we left off, The Unlucky Three finally made it to Kings Cross Station, with their new pal, Hagrud.....errr I mean Hagrid!  
  
Sarah suddenly looked at her train ticket, and said, "Whoa! Dude! This ticket is frickin freaky! It says 9 ¾ ......what the hell." Jen turned to ask Hagrid what the deal was with the freaky tickets, "Dude! He's GONE!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?" Allison yelled. She continued, "Oh my god! What are we going to do?!?"  
  
"Oh my god, I'm RUINED! All my marks will go down, I'll lose my scholarship, and do you know WHYYYY?!?!? Because we're lost in a train station!!! A........foreign! Train station!"  
  
Sarah, on the verge of panicking, tried to settle things down a bit. "All right, all right, okay! OKAY! LET'S NOT FREAK OUT HERE! TOO LATE! I'M FREAKING OUT, I'M FREAKING OUT! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Allison was fed up. "That's IT! I'm gonna go ask the train dude over there!" She walked over to a big fat guy with a hat and a badge that read, Bob. "You! Fat man! Check out my ticket! Where the hell is Platform 9 ¾???"  
  
Bob answered, "What's with all you kids and your platform 9 ¾?!? You think you're being funny do you?"  
  
"You've gotta stop saying that, before I pound your head in!"  
  
"Why don't you kids bugger off and get jobs or something?" He turned and walked away, mumbling, ".....Chinese lady.....no eyelids....."  
  
"Oh! Ohhhhhh! That's IT! He is SOOOOOOOO dead!"  
  
"No Allison, NOOOOOOO!" Jen and Sarah screamed as they tried to tackle their friend to the ground. Allison was already searching her pockets for her bazooka. Fortunately for Bob, she didn't have it.  
  
"Well, since I can't use my Bazooka, I'll use THIS!" Allison said as she pulled out her wand and pointed it at Bob's back. Sarah and Jen watched in horror as their friend conjured up a big-ass fire ball and shot it at Bob. Bob ran screaming until he remembered the basic fundamentals that those nice firemen teach you in grade school. STOP! DROP! And roll! He stopped, dropped and rolled. Allison was laughing her ass off at the burnt up, shrivelled man on the floor. He got up and roared in agony, starting to chase after the first person he saw......Allison.  
  
"RUNNNNNN!" Allison yelled, and pulled Sarah with her as she ran towards Platform 10. Sarah, having fun running for her life yelled, "OR FEEL THE WRATH OF BURNY-BOBBBBBBBB!"  
  
They ran, until they finally lost him. It took a while, we'll admit, but riding on our cart-wheels we finally lost him. Exhausted, the girls walked up to Platform 10 and leaned on the wall. Sarah screamed  
  
"Sarah, what happened!!!" Allison yelled as she ran over to see what happened to Sarah. Sarah's arm was in the wall!  
  
"OHHHH! HEEEYY! I GET IT NOOOOWWWW!" Jen said as she pulled Sarah out of the wall. Jen said nothing else. She grabbed her cart, and ran through that wall between Platforms 9 and 10.  
  
Sarah dropping down to her knees in desperate vulnerability, yelled, "JEEEENNNNNNNNNNN! NOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Allison said, "I'm going in after her!" Allison then grabbed her cart and ran through the gate-way after her friend.  
  
Sarah dropping down to her knees in desperate vulnerability....yet again....yelled, "ALLISONNNNNNN! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Allison took in her surroundings. It was THE platform. Then she heard Jen calling.  
  
"Allison! See I was right!" She explained as she loaded her things on the train. "Wait a minute......WHERE'S SARAH?!?!"  
  
"I'm not su..." Allison started to say, but couldn't finish because her sentence turned into a scream.....  
  
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Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Sarah got her cart ready. "All right! I have to do this, I don't care if it's a gateway to something, a gateway to the Labyrinth, or a gateway to hell......Wait a minute, they're the same thing.......ehn..........Anyways, I have to go save my friends! They'd do the same thing for me!.........uhhhh, well maybe Allison wouldn't but.........Shutup Sarah, you're babbling!........agh! I'm talking to myself.........gah! Stop IT!.....guh!....GAH! OK! I'm stopiiiing....NOW!....GOD DAMN IT!" she took off into a violent scream and ran through the wall with her cart......  
  
******************************************************  
  
.....Right into Allison.. Allison was flung over her cart and onto the train tracks as Sarah rammed into her. "AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!" Jen quickly lunged for Allison's cart before it ran her friend over. Allison, hearing the train whistle, didn't have time to get off the tracks and immediately started to climb up the front of the train. "OH CRAP! SARAH!"  
  
But no one heard her, Jen had already jumped onto the train and was pulling Sarah with her. "Wait a minute....Where's AL?!" screamed Sarah. "Sarah, you pushed her onto the train tracks, you idiot!" Jen yelled at her.  
  
"I DID?" Sarah questioned, "OH! So THAT'S what I hit."  
  
"Yes Sarah, and now we have to save her cause of you."  
  
Sarah and Jen climbed out the window and up onto the top of the train. They started to run towards the front. In the middle of running Sarah stopped and called to Jen who was just ahead. "JEN! DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN AN N*SYNC VIDEO TOO?!?"  
  
"YES!" Jen yelled back to Sarah. They continued running over the train, with Sarah singing 'Bye, Bye, Bye".  
  
"SARAH! WHY ARE YOU SINGING?!?!"  
  
"IT ADDS TO THE DRAMA!" They eventually reached the front of the train, and saw Allison clinging desperately to the smokestack. They got as close as possible to Allison, and Allison yelled, "SARAH! I'M GOING TO KIILLLLLLL YOU! GET DOWN HERE! I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HAIR OUT!"  
  
"But Allison, if I was down there, and YOU were up here, where would we be then?"  
  
"BETTER OFF, THAT'S WHERE WE'D BE!" Replied Allison. "JUST PULL ME UP!"  
  
"WHY SHOULD I?"  
  
"BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME OFF THE PLATFORM!"  
  
Sarah bent down as if she was going to help Allison, but instead said, "By the way, do you know the second verse to 'Bye, Bye, Bye?'"  
  
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
  
Sarah stared into space. "Noooo, I don't think that's it....."  
  
She then tried with all her might to reach Allison, but couldn't. Allison tried with all her might to reach Sarah, but couldn't. Jen looked down at the idiots and gave an exasperated sigh. "Wingardium Leviosa!" Jen said as she raised her wand and lifted Allison into the air.  
  
Ten minutes later, they were sitting safe and sound in their train cabin. Allison stood up. She had flames in her eyes. "Sarah! I challenge you to a wizard's duel!" Allison said as she whacked Sarah across the face with her wand.  
  
"OWWW! You just smacked me in the face with your WANNNNND! I'll have you know that's made of WOOOD!"  
  
"Tell me something I don't know!" Allison retorted.  
  
"Mashed potatoes are yummy." Jen budded in.  
  
"I already knew that!"  
  
"Hagrid has a Pakistani cousin named Hagrud."  
  
"He DOES?!?"  
  
"Yeah! He's a porn star!" Allison and Jen had confused looks on their faces, she continued. "Ca mon! You've heard of him! His famous line's, "I will take off my leather turban and WHIP you with it!""  
  
"Oh YEAAAHHH! I've heard of him!" Jen said.  
  
Allison, getting pissed off that everyone was changing the subject she turned the conversation back to the duel. "So Sarah, ready to get your ass kicked?"  
  
Sarah reached into her robes to bring out her wand, but then figured that this would give Allison a free shot. So, instead, she grabbed the end of Allison's wand. Allison tried to yank it back but then Jen stepped in between them and grabbed the wand near the base.  
  
"You guys let go." Jen said.  
  
"Not until she lets go." Replied Allison.  
  
"No way I can't TRUST you!" Said Sarah.  
  
"It's MY WAND!"  
  
"EXACTLY!"  
  
"GUYS! On the count of three! One....Two.....THREE!".......Nothing happened. "Guuuyyyyyyys!"  
  
Sarah quickly let go and raised her hands defensively. "Neutral!" She explained as she ran behind Jen. Allison gave her cut-eye then pocketed the wand. They sat down. Then trolley lady came......  
  
The girls bought the whole trolley-full of candy (with Harry Potter's money of course....Why spend theirs, when they could spend HIS?!?).  
  
"Dudes! I've got the best scheme!" Sarah said happily. Jen groaned.  
  
"Oh no Sarah, what NOW?!"  
  
"No! It's really good this time! We should save some of this candy so we can hide it in the dorm!"  
  
"Hey good idea Sarah!"  
  
"Yeah you were actually smart for a change!" Sarah smiled at the compliments, and opened a Chocolate Frog. She started at the Wizard Card in horror.  
  
"What's wrong with the card Sarah?" Allison asked. Sarah just stared back with terror in her eyes.  
  
"Sarah give me the card!" Jen yelled as she tried to grab it out of Sarah's hand.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Sarah! Let us seeeee!" Jen finally pried the card out of Sarah's hands and stared in horror at what she saw. She passed the card to Allison, saying nothing and staring off into space the same way Sarah was. Allison looked at the card and shivered. The card read, "Jareth The Goblin King. Ruler of the Labyrinth and King of Goblins everywhere. He is determined to seek out the one called 'The Mouthy Blonde' and her meddling friends."  
  
Sarah, finally snapping out of her trance, grabbed the card from Allison and chucked it out the window. "No one saw that." She warned.  
  
"I did." Allison replied.  
  
"No you DIDN'T!" Sarah corrected.  
  
"Anyways," Jen said as she took up a package of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. "Do you ever wonder how they get the Jelly Beans to taste the way they do. All these nasty flavours?"  
  
Sarah, who was chewing on a bean, spit it out. "EWWWWWW! If that's how ear wax tastes...........EWWWWWWWWWWWW!"  
  
"I dunno," said Allison. "I thought you would Jen. I guess it's just a *mystery*"  
  
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Author's Note: Only ONE character was harmed during the making of this chapter, but he's better now........Ok SO! How was that? That was OKAY! We had coffee AND coke this time, so don't complain. Please, please, PLEASE review, we want to know what you THINKKKK!........well not really, we don't really care what you think but we like them high numbers! 


	4. We’re in charge now, you got a problem w

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda, we don't own anything so don't try to sue us, cause you won't get anything. We're flipping teenagers with no jobs that haven't even gotten their highschool diplomas yet. Back off buddy!  
  
Author's Note: We're back and we're kicking ass and taking names! We apologize for the lack of updates and our disappearing off the planet and what not. Not much has changed...Allison got purple streaks and Sarah still doesn't have a boyfriend. Jen still gets pissy. We have yet to find what's up her ass. All in all, things are still good and there's still lots of love. We haven't forgotten our fans. (If we actually REALLY have any....) Alright, let's get down to business......  
  
Chapter 4-We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich? We are the witches of Ni!  
  
Last time we left them, the unlucky 3 had just been contemplating the mystery behind Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. This was quickly forgotten, though, as the compartment door slammed open. And who stood in the door jam but that little blonde, hair-product obsessed freak, Draco Malfoy, along with his two goons Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"You there!" Draco said as he pointed in the general direction of the trio. The three girls exchanged confused looks then stared at Malfoy.  
  
"What do YOU want you little.....you little......uhhnnnnn...." Allison started as she stood up. Suddenly she felt Sarah's hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Just.....just sit down Allison." She told her as Allison looked as if she was still thinking of an insult. She was never good at those. Sarah continued, "So what do you want you little dumb bastard?"  
  
"Sarah!" Allison and Jen sounded together.  
  
"We don't even know who he IS yet!" Jen said. Malfoy didn't look phased. He gave the three girls a withering glare that wasn't even up to Allison's standards, then spoke again in his "I'm better than you" voice.  
  
"Who are you three? Where's Potter and his two stupid friends?"  
  
"Well we don't know where Potter is, but we can see those two stupid friends. They're standing right behind you!" Sarah retorted. Crabbe and Goyle began to advance towards the girls in anger. Allison started towards the two boys with an evil glint in her eye.  
  
"It's alright boys," Malfoy said. "She's got a point." Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other in a confused way, shrugged, then returned to their places. Jen stood up to join Sarah and Allison. They stood shoulder to shoulder.  
  
"We're in charge now, you got a problem with that Blondie McRich Rich?" Sarah posed.  
  
"We're their foreign exchange replacements." Jen said.  
  
"Pfft, yeah, thanks to you Jen." Allison said harshly. Jen looked aghast. Jen started to retort when Draco started talking again.  
  
"Oh...........well then! How old are you three fine ladies?"  
  
"Old enough." Replied Sarah with a look that kind of said 'grrrr!'.  
  
"Old enough for what?"  
  
"To kill you." Allison said shortly (also with a look that said 'grrrrr.').  
  
"No we're not killing ANYONE Allison!" Jen said quickly.  
  
"Oh.....well, how would you ladies like to join me and my friends in our compartment?" Draco suggested. That's when Sarah got pissed.  
  
"Listen, you'd better skedaddle on outta here, don't cha know," Sarah began in a Minnesota accent for some really weird reason. "And you better hurry! Or else we'll say the magic word!"  
  
"Magic word? What magic word are you talking about?"  
  
The unlucky 3 exchanged knowing glances. Sarah finally spoke, "We shall saaay....." Knowing glances were exchanged once more, ".......NI!" Malfoy almost fell to his knees in agony.  
  
"Oh please, no!" Malfoy yelled. "Not that WORD!" A small squeaky 'Ni' then came from Allison's mouth. Crabbe covered his ears and bashed his head against the wall. Jen then joined in, taking a deep breath then yelling very loudly "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" The whole train heard. It was so loud, and traveled so far that it had its own FM radio channel.  
  
************************************************************  
  
Five miles down the train tracks, a random farmer tried to calm his horses.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Back at the cabin, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were already halfway back to their seats, running their pansy asses off. Sarah walked and stood in the door frame, pointed towards him and yelled in a British accent, "And I am a lady, sir!" She slammed the door, then sat back down in her seat. All together the three girls burst out laughing. They continued to laugh then all of a sudden, heard Sarah give a loud, involuntary snort. They all dropped to the floor, laughing so hard that they had to pee. It was a mad dash to the bathroom. After they had all relieved themselves, Sarah got an idea. "You guys! I got an idea!" She announced. Allison and Jen groaned in unison. "Let's go steal stuff, then throw that stuff at other stuff!" Allison's expression brightened.  
  
"Hey! That's actually a good idea Sarah!"  
  
They all went into Allison's carry-on bag which held her "special" equipment and pulled out three walkie-talkies. Before they split up, Sarah stopped them. "Wait, you guys, we've got to test these out!"  
  
"What for?" Jen asked.  
  
Sarah answered, "You know....Every time we split up, I always get kidnapped, and I always need you guys to rescue me. We need to see how loud you can hear my scream over the walkie-talkies."  
  
"Okay." Allison said. Sarah pressed the talk button. She recited her famous walkie-talkie catch-phrase.  
  
Sarah made a static sound even though the walkie-talkie already did that, then continued on, "Sarah to Jen. Sarah to Jen. AH! AH! Over." After that, she made another static sound. "How's that?" She asked.  
  
"Fine." Allison replied.  
  
"You don't have to make that static sound Sarah, it already does that." Jen said simply. Sarah pressed the talk button again.  
  
"Okay I won't make the 'crcrcrcc' sound again, crcrcrcc." She said. "...that was the last one."  
  
After the 'crcrcrcc' (incase you haven't figured it out by now, that's what the static sound is supposed to sound like) incident, they finally split up. Sarah, of course, ran down the hallway screaming like death itself was after her, flailing her arms as she always does at the beginning of a crazy caper. Jen pulled out a book called, 'How to Steal Things and Where to Steal 'em'. She began with the chapter on kitchens. Allison decided to go up to the engine and steal some hot coals to break up and blow through her dart gun at people. Sarah decided to go through random people's rooms and linen closets to steal hand towels and soaps in the shape of Hogwarts crests, witch hats and jack-o-lanterns.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
After finishing the chapter on Kitchens, Jen decided to try out her new skills in the pantry (because that was the closest thing they had to a kitchen on the train). Jen spotted the cart lady coming down the hall towards her. Jen immediately tucked and rolled into the pantry and closed the door behind her. She stood up, turned on the light, and was greeted by the sight of shelves full of junk food. There was a heavenly light that shone down upon the sugary gold, and Jen swore she could hear a choir singing, possibly a song composed by Mozart, Bach, or someone, ya know, good like that. Jen spread out her arms as if wishing to hold the junk food in a tight embrace and sang but one word. One glorious word that can only describe that moment there and now. "...Jaaaaaaaackpottttt." She then began stuffing everything in sight down her top, bra, pockets, thighs, socks, and even some candy canes tucked behind her ears. Unexpectedly, the pantry door swung open and a short, plump, cart lady stood in the doorway shocked.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" The cart lady asked in a surprised voice.  
  
"Nothing.....What are YOU doing in here?" Jen asked back.  
  
"I'm the cart lady. Didn't I see you earlier? You were much thinner half an hour ago."  
  
Jen stopped everything she was doing and quickly thought of an excuse. ".....Um." She began to pretend to cry. "I have a really slow metabolism okay? I've gone to so many doctors, and done so many things, but nothing seems to work!" Jen then turned it into a whimpering whisper. "Can't anyone see me for who I am? *sniff* Inside?" Jen finished the sentence breathlessly while holding a hand against her heart, as if she was deeply hurt and misunderstood. She began to wail and cry. "OH GOD!" She cried, as she pulled a chocolate bar out of her bra. She unwrapped it and took a bite while still pretending to cry. "It's good!" She whined. She then finished it all and proceeded to pull a chocolate frog out of her pocket. Opening it, the frog jumped out, but she caught it in the air. "Come 'ere you little bastard." Jen bit the frog's head off while whining mournfully. "Poor froggy, he didn't deserve that ya know." Jen said to the cart lady. She continued, "Farewell dear froggy. You'll forever be known as Chocolate Frog #456 *sniff*"  
  
As Jen finished, the cart lady was staring at her wide-eyed. She slowly backed away and shut the door behind her, leaving Jen to wallow in her so-called sadness and self-pity in the dark pantry. As the door shut, Jen waited a few seconds then burst out of the pantry panting. "Oh God, I feel sick!" She clutched her stomach and groaned. After recovering, she then retreated back to the cabin and sat down, waiting for the others to return.  
  
************************************************************ Meanwhile, Allison was making her way towards the front of the train so she could swipe some hot coals to fire at people through her blowgun. As she neared the engine, she crept along the walls and imagined the Mission Impossible Theme song in her head. She was about to Judo-chop the dude (we don't know what a guy who drives a train is called!) when he turned around and said, "Oi! What are you doing up here?" Allison stopped, shifted her eyes back and forth and said, "...............Um..." She reached behind her back and pulled (out of nowhere) her tranquilizer gun, shooting the poor dude in the neck. He fell to the ground with a loud thump. Stepping over his body, Allison sighed in relief. "Phew, I haven't inflicted any pain on anyone since Burney Bob!" She started to collect hot coals in her hand, forgetting that they were hot. Yelling in pain, she realized that she had just pulled a Sarah.  
  
************************************************************** At the exact moment Allison had pulled a Sarah, Sarah felt a sudden wave of idiocy that almost knocked her off her feet. Sarah held her chest in recovery and said, "Whoa. I think one of my little buddies just pulled a Sarah. I have a sudden craving for Pan-Asian cuisine...............It must've been Allison!" Sarah then carried on with what she was doing. ***************************************************************  
  
Back to Allison....  
  
Looking around for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of thongs. Just as she was about to pick the coals up, she realized that there was a mistake! Looking up at the ceiling, she yelled, "JEN! We've got a typo! It's TONGS not THONGS!" Looking around (again) for something to pick up the hot coals with, Allison spotted a pair of TONGS and said, "That's better!" She began picking up the coals and putting them in her pockets. Of course, they quickly began to burn holes in her clothes, causing her to jump around, panicking as she started to smoke. "AH! AH! AH!"  
  
******************************************************* Once again we rejoin with Sarah, who was busy snooping around the linen closets. There was another sudden jolt of stupidity, which actually knocked her to the ground this time. Sarah reached out for something to grab and found the doorknob of the linen closet. She fell on one knee and held her chest with her other hand. Panting she said, "WHOA! Now I want Pan-Asian cuisine and Chinese Black Tea! What the HELL is Allison doing?!" After recovering, she went back to stealing linens and guest soaps. *****************************************************************  
  
Allison had finally found a bucket and loaded it up with coals. She bashed the bucket against the wall a few times to break up the pieces, then started hunting for prey. As she walked out of the engine room (or whatever- you know what we mean) she spotted the cart lady. Wanting to test out her new toy, she loaded a hot coal chunk into her blow gun. She shot it down the hall and it hit the cart lady right in between the eyes. The cart lady fell to the floor, knocked out. Lowering her gun, Allison stared wide-eyed down the hall at where the cart lady should be standing. All she could bring herself to say was, "Oh....................Oh shit." She then immediately returned back to the cart, grabbing some candy off the cart as she passed.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
And we finally come to Sarah..............God help us all.  
  
Trying to disguise herself, Sarah wrapped her head with a towel, and made some emergency warm blankets into a toga as she came out of a linen closet. Beginning to make her way around the train, Sarah looked around for rooms to steal from and possibly a drink to wash down the soapy taste in her mouth. She had stupidly mistaken them for candy and shoved them in her mouth. Suddenly, Sarah heard voices coming towards her, and before she could hide she was being interrogated by four first-years.  
  
"Who are you?" One asked innocently.  
  
"I'm...........uhn..................*Think of a name, any name!*.............Sarah. *D'oh!* I mean, I'm the magical, mystical, Sirus Black!" Sarah replied.  
  
The group of first years gasped. One asked bravely, "You mean, SIRIUS Black?"  
  
"NO! SIRUS Black! I work in a movie theatre!" (We'll tell you the story at the end of the chapter, you have to read it in order to get this joke, it's hilarious.)  
  
"......What?"  
  
"Oh yes. And I'm from the mystical lands of..................*Think of a country, any country!*...............Canada. *D'OH!*"  
  
"Canada? Isn't that in the west?" One of the first-years inquired.  
  
"Why yes it is," Sarah said, pointing thoughtfully. "Very good. You know, you're a lot smarter than some people. Americans, for example, don't know where we are but we're right above them! WE SHARE LAKES! (We're really sorry, please read the author's note at the end for an explanation) ....................Okay gotta go kiddies! Muahahahahhaahah!" Sarah threw down a guest soap on the floor, expecting it to somehow ignite and smoke. I mean, what the hell. The first-years just stood there staring at her, as she stopped her fake evil laughter, shifted her eyes from left to right and thinking of a way out by pointing down the hall and yelling, "VOLDEMORT!" The first years didn't even look down the hall. They scrambled and began scurrying around the hallways flailing their arms and for some reason, swatting at their hair, screaming, "He's in my hair! He's in my haaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!"  
  
Spotting an open compartment door, Sarah sped down the hallway and dove into the luggage in the compartment. As she got up and dusted herself off, she looked around and found an amazing stash of..................stuff. She found; three wands, three suitcases of robes, two owls, one weird looking red bird, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair. Sarah grabbed the stuff and began to walk out of the compartment when Allison and Jen walked in to the room. "Hey guys!" Sarah said. "Can you guys recognize me in my disguise? It's me, Sarah! I'm wearing a disguise! Aren't I clever?" Allison and Jen exchanged looks before Sarah continued, "OH, and look at all the stuff I stole! Three wands, three suitcases, two owls, a weird looking red bird that looks a lot like Allison's phoenix, and a lock of Orlando Bloom's hair!" Allison inspected the lock of hair in Sarah's hand. Jen had figured it out in about .25 seconds before they had even walked in the room, and was now shaking her head at Sarah.  
  
"Sarah!" Jen sighed.  
  
"Wha-?"  
  
Allison threw out her hands in frustration. "You stole OUR stuff!................And gimme that hair!" Allison grabbed the hair out of Sarah's hand and began stroking it lovingly, while hugging it up to her face.  
  
"...........................Allison you're sick." Sarah said simply.  
  
"Sarah, how is it possible for you to steal OUR stuff?" Jen questioned.  
  
Sarah threw off her disguise and explained, "Well, my towel turban kept falling down over my eyes and I couldn't see where I was going!"  
  
"Suuureee........" Jen said as she started to unload all of the candy from inside her clothes. "You guys help me!" Sarah and Allison sat down beside Jen and started helping her. Just then, Sarah heard the squeak of the cart lady's trolley. She cupped a hand to her ear and said, "The cart lady's coming! The cart lady's coming!"  
  
"Quick, stuff it back IN!" Jen yelled. "Stuff it back in!" The three girls scrambled around and stuffed the candy back in from whence it came. Then the cart lady walked in the compartment and asked them if they wanted anything off of the trolley.  
  
"Well, I don't think we can fit anything else in Jen's clothes." Sarah explained. Allison smacked Sarah upside the head because of her stupidity. "I mean," Sarah began correcting herself. ".......................No. We're full." Right then, a chocolate frog leaped out of Jen's bra and out of the window.  
  
"What was that?" The cart lady asked.  
  
"Uhn...............................nothin'." The three said in unison as Sarah slammed the door in the cart lady's face.  
  
"Where'd it go?!" Jen screamed.  
  
"Out the window!" Allison screamed back.  
  
"CRAAAAAP!" Jen began to run towards the window, just about to jump out to catch the frog. Just before she did, Sarah yelled, "No Jen DON'T! Do you know what that act of stupidity is gonna do to me? WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" But it was too late. Jen had already, stupidly, jumped out the window. The sudden wave of Jen's idiocy hit Sarah, causing her to fly out the window after Jen. Jen was grabbing on to the side of the train outside of the window, and Sarah grabbed on to Jen's ankles as she flew past.  
  
"Jen you IDIOT!" Sarah yelled at her. They spotted the chocolate frog clinging to the side of the train as well. Allison stuck her head out of the window to see what happened to Sarah and Jen. Just then, the train went over a large bump, causing the chocolate frog to loose its grip and fly back towards Allison's head. Allison swiftly opened her mouth and caught the frog, swallowing it whole.  
  
"Mmm, air frogs." Allison said as she pulled her head back in the window without even a word to her friends. Sarah and Jen looked at each other and said in unison, "ALLISON! Help us!" Allison stuck her head back out the window to help but she couldn't pull them back in. Sarah had an idea.  
  
"Jen! Let go!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?"  
  
"Just trust me!"  
  
"The last time I trusted you Sarah, we were being swarmed by GOBLINS!"  
  
"Just do it cause we're coming to a tunnel!" Jen didn't know what Sarah had in mind but she let go of the train. Since that was a VERY stupid act done by Jen, the force of it knocked Sarah back into the train, pulling Jen, by her ankles, with her. Sarah and Jen smashed into Allison, the three of them sprawling onto the floor. The train came to a sudden halt. They laid there on the compartment floor, legs in the air, backs bent over, not moving at all. Then Allison said angrily, "Looks like we're here."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's Note: Wow that was one long ass chapter! Anyways, the American thing was because of whenever we watch Jeopardy, and the contestants have to answer questions about Canada, they always get them wrong. They're the easiest questions in existence. We're sorry, we don't want to offend anyone, we're just speaking from experience.  
  
Now, about the Sirus Black thing........................  
  
We went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets five days before it opened because Allison's mom works in advertising and gets a lot of free stuff. So we got free tickets. Before the movie started, there was this dude who came into the theatre wearing a really crappy wizard costume with a microphone. He also had a really cool light-up Gandalf staff thing. Anyways, he spoke into the microphone and said, "I am SIRUS BLACK from the third Harry Potter movie!" He tried to sound really really mighty and powerful, but didn't succeed. #1: It's Sirius, not Sirus. #2: The third Harry Potter movie wasn't even in the making at that time. #3: He dug himself a deeper hole as he continued, "I started as a lowly magician. Then I graduated and became a conjurer. Next I advanced to become a Necromancer, and then I was a wizard. But now! Now I am a SORCERER!" Okay, it was totally silent as he was saying this, as the children sat in awe. And then it happened. Jen's terribly loud (and rude) laughter sounded through the theatre. Sarah and Allison began to laugh quietly, but couldn't hold it in and joined in the hysterical laughter. Suddenly, Jen yelled, "It's SIRIUS!" In a high-pitched voice, correcting him. It was frikin' hilarious, you all should have been there. Honestly.  
  
OH yeah so, we're sorry for the really long wait, we haven't updated in a long time, and for the long author's note. Oh, and we're sorry again for the American crack. And to the cart lady. She was a really nice lady. We should send her a check in the mail. 


	5. Rule 234: Always Arrive Fashionably Late...

Disclaimer: Not ours. The end....Whatever Allison.  
  
Author's Note: Yes, yes we're still alive. Don't worry, we're not sick, we have all our limbs, and we didn't get lost climbing a big huge mountain. It's been almost a year since we last updated and all we've been doing is sitting around watching a lot of Charmed. Not much has changed either, we've graduated high school though. Now Allison and I will leave Sarah behind as she goes back for another year of high school. Yes she DID graduate, she's just a loser. And she wants to be in the school's crappy musical. It's what she wants to do OKAY?!? Anyways, Allison got glasses. They're intellectual. And I wear contacts. But don't picture me without my glasses or Allison with glasses cause that'd just ruin it. Okay so I think we're ready. And for the love of God, review! –Jen P.S. and BTW: A lot of the jokes we use, we get from T.V. shows, and we just think they fit in really well. We're just saying this cause we know a lot of people have noticed that. However, there are a lot of inside jokes (the good kind, you don't necessarily have to get them to be funny). Also, there are more original jokes in our stories than we have ripped off from other people.  
  
Chapter 5: Rule #234: Always Arrive Fashionably Late with a Dramatic Entrance.  
  
They arrived fashionably late with a dramatic entrance...Okay fine we'll tell you just how dramatic the entrance was...  
  
After sorting out their limbs in the dog pile and then filing off the train, our favourite trio found that all the other students were already in the carriages, about half a mile ahead of them, making their way to the castle. Go figure. Quickly Jen, Sarah and Allison ran to the last available cart. Reaching the door, the girls spotted a sign. Out of Order. Sarah threw up her hands in frustration.  
  
"Oh this is just grreeeaaaat!" She exclaimed. "Count on you to totally screw us over, Allison!"  
  
"What'd I do?!" Allison yelled angrily.  
  
"You guys, SHUT UP!" Jen said. "I mean, how can it be out of order?! It's pulled by magic for crying out loud!....Get IN!" Jumping into the carriage, Jen motioned for the others to follow her.  
  
"SHOTGUN!" Sarah yelled as she pushed Allison to the ground in her hurry to get into the carriage. Sarah jumped onto the driver's seat of the carriage, while Allison and Jen reclined in the seating area. After a good, long, wasted, 5 minutes, Jen figured out that the carriage maybe really WAS out of order. Which is surprising because it took so long. I mean, it takes Sarah 5 minutes to figure out a knock knock joke. Anyways, Sarah decided to do what she always does in a situation such as this....Get Jen to do it.  
  
"Jen." She started, "Get out and pull."  
  
"WHAT?! Oh that's bullshit!" Jen proclaimed.  
  
"Just do it." Allison said as she sipped her martini.  
  
"Where did you get that?!" Jen asked, surprised.  
  
"It's magic." Allison replied. "Ooo! Oogedy-boogedy!"  
  
A screech escaped Sarah. She always hates it when Allison says oogedy-boogedy like that. I mean, with her eyes wide and her arms flailing....it's just not a pretty sight...Back to the story...  
Jen got out and decided to pull the carriage, since she likes to flaunt her strength so much, which she acquired from a long life in dance. Random Dance Pose Sarah, getting into the whole driver thing, found a whip under her seat and decided to use it...Great.  
"Hyah! Hyah Jen! Hyah!" She yelled as she tried to whip Jen.  
  
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?" Jen asked. "You're going to whip yourself in the face with that!"  
  
"I will n..." Sarah said before she whipped herself in the face. "OW! MY FACE!" Allison continued to lounge in the back, pretending to be better than her friends...even though she's not. Just because you have a martini glass in your hand doesn't mean you have more class than your friends. I mean, they were together when they were in their teenage awkward phases.  
  
"Jen! Put the pedal to the metal!" Sarah ordered. From the back of the cart came a "Sarah there IS no pedal" from Allison. Sarah ignored her and continued, "We're going to miss the sorting ceremony! They're practically holding this feast in our honour! We're the foreign exchange students, AND we have to be re-sorted."  
  
"I'm going as fast as I can." Jen said as she struggled. "And my nose is itchy!"  
  
Meanwhile, In the Great Hall the Sorting ceremony had already begun...  
  
"Amanda Hugandkiss." .................... "Hugh Jass" .........And it just went on from there as first years went up to the Sorting Hat and were sorted into their school house.  
  
Jen brought the cart to a complete stop. Why? Because Sarah had decided to have one of her idiot episodes, where she acts completely and utterly stupid.  
  
"So, if we hit the highway and we go west. Where do we get off?" Sarah asked the little gnome-man at the side of the trail.  
  
"Sarah!" Jen said, "The Castle is 50 feet away. There's no other direction to go except straight up this path. What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"Shut up Jen, the roaming gnome is giving us directions."  
  
"For the last time Lady, I'm not the roaming gnome." The roaming gnome said, irritated.  
  
"Sarah, what the hell is going on out there?" Allison said as she stuck her head out the carriage window. She made sure to stick her hand with her martini glass out the window as well.  
  
"Alright, Jen, Go west and get off at Highway 95."  
  
"Alright Sarah, I'll do that." Jen said as she rolled her eyes. Mumbling to herself she added, "Stupid....monkey!" Before Sarah could get the roaming gnome's autograph, and ask him to bring her back a souvenir from Australia, Jen began to run up to the castle, pulling the cart with her.  
  
"What'd you do that for Jen? That guy has the coolest commercials!"  
  
In the Great Hall, the ceremony was coming to a close as the last student, Zed Zedderson, had been sorted. Dumbledore rose to make his welcoming speech.  
  
Finally reaching the castle, Jen panted with the effort of pulling the carriage up the trail. Sarah hopped down from the driver's seat and began tying the cart to a lamp post.  
  
"Now you stay here, and you be a good little carriage," Sarah said lovingly to the cart.  
  
"Sarah, what the hell are you doing that for?" Jen said. "The cart isn't going to get up and walk away. It's out of order! It can't go anywhere! And no one's going to steal the damn thing because it belongs to the school anyways!"  
  
Allison stuck her hand out the window to catch the other girls' attention and called out to them, "I'm waiting!"  
  
"Waiting for what?" Sarah and Jen said in unison.  
  
"For you to open the door! And I better have a red carpet. And where's my bottle of water? Oh it MUST be waiting for me...RIGHT?!"  
  
"Sorry Allison," (Allison—What? Sarah—Not you, Story-Allison.) Sarah said. "We're not in the lap of luxury, Canada, anymore. No parties or people living their lives in the fast lane..."  
  
"Sarah, Canada's not like that!" Jen pointed out.  
  
"I don't care, Canada's still cool. And you know what? I could be there right now! But no...we have to be here, and get all muddy!"  
  
"Sarah, I'M the only one who's muddy, because YOU made me pull the cart."  
  
"I could be in my old dorm right now, listening to some good tunes, not doing my homework, and just having a grand old time." Allison came in between the two, still with her now empty martini glass, holding only an olive inside it.  
  
"You guys, just shut up! You're giving me a headache!"  
  
"No Allison, that's from all the booze you've been drinking." Sarah replied pointing to Allison's glass. "Let's just get inside, I'm freezing my ass off."  
  
"Sarah...it's September." Jen pointed out.  
  
"I have no meat on my bones! I only weigh 115 pounds!"  
  
"Sarah...." Allison implored.  
  
"Alright, 116!"  
  
"Okay, we're getting off topic again." Jen said. "Every time we write we always get off topic. We never get to the story! That's what happens when you partner up with someone like Sarah, who gets distracted by everything, seeming like she has A.D.D. but SOMEHOW the tests always disproves it!" Jen took a long deep breath after that long sentence.  
  
"Okay let's just GO!" Sarah said as she started going up the stairs to the doors of the castle. Jen and Allison followed as she sang "Gonna Fly Now" , the Theme from Rocky. (Allison – I wasn't violent at all in this chapter. Jen – Yes you were, you were emotionally abusing.)  
  
"A thousand welcomes, and welcomes back." Dumbledore started as he addressed the student body. "Didn't that sound hilarious? Try saying that out loud everyone. Come on. And for all you kids at home, say it with a British accent!....Okay continuing on, I feel like I'm on that funny Muggle show, Sesame Street. Now who knows what I'm talking about? Raise your haaands! Uno. Dos. Tres. That's THREE! THREE people! Thunder crash AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Two of which are girls. You know what that means kids, THEY'RE WITCHES! Oh...wait, of course they are. Well what was I saying? That damn Viagra. The side effects can be such a nuisance. Getting all off topic like that, like a teenage girl with A.D.D. but the tests somehow disprove it." Professor McGonagall coughed, trying to get him back on topic.  
  
"Oh yes! Joining us this year are three foreign exchange students from Canada. Sarah, Jennifer, and Allison. I hope you will make them feel welcome, or whatever. Perhaps it would be wise to discuss topics such as bacon, maple syrup or hockey. (Sarah – That was a joke. We're not serious. We're just making fun of everyone who makes fun of US like that...but I do love all of those things...hockey more-so...heh heh heh...) Stand up girls." Dumbledore announced. The students looked around, noticing that no one had risen.  
  
"Well...It seems they have not arrived." Dumbledore said as he stated the obvious. Whispering to Professor Snape he added, "Where on earth ARE those girls?" Just then the doors to the Great Hall burst open. There stood Jen covered in mud, Sarah with a big red welt across her face and Allison tipsy with her empty martini glass. Silence followed. All three of them shifted their eyes around in panic.  
  
"...Uhhh..." Sarah said.  
  
Exchanging knowing glances, all three of the girls quickly struck a pose. After about three seconds, Sarah and Jen both fell to the floor, exhausted from pulling carriages and running up the stairs. Allison looked down at them with no emotion, sucking on her olive then decided to take a seat on Jen's ass, which was conveniently in the air.  
  
Dumbledore spoke up, "I give you, your new foreign exchange students! Ms. Walcz, Ms. Rousselle and Ms. Kwok."  
  
Author's Note: Do you know, some IDIOT decided to start out the applause they gave us after that with a slow clap. That bastard, wait till we find 'im. No one slow claps us! Anyways, so how was THAT for fashionably late and a dramatic entrance? So, that's chapter 5 and BELIEVE us, we're going to be spending as much time together as possible, so we'll have chapters ready pretty quickly. And most likely by the next sleep over...I mean crash party. –Jen 


End file.
